kids: July 2007 Archives

The other day I ranted a bit about how kids are held to different standards than I was when I was their age. One of the cases I used to illustrate my point was that of two middle-schoolers that could potentially face jail and be required to register as sex offenders for slapping their peers on the ass - which, as it turns out, is a pretty common thing in their social circles and not to be taken as a sexual advance but rather as nothing more than a greeting of sorts. As I said, to each their own.

In reading the comments that followed the story online it appeared there were fairly mixed opinions. Some people believed that there was no need to push this issue and felt the school and law enforcement were going too far. Others felt that the kids should do their time since they should know better. As someone who has two children aged 9 and 12 I would contend that they often do know better. And parents teach their children better. But sometimes kids don't do what they're told. Sometimes they make bad decisions in order to conform to the rest of the pack so they will fit in, as I so often hear, "with the cool kids." I thought perhaps I was in the minority when I chastised those Oregonian school administrators and legal administration. In essence I suggested that those kids' lives could be ruined because they made some bad decisions which could be addressed by something as simple as a suspension rather than locking them up and labeling them as sex offenders. It appears I was wrong. I wasn't in the minority.

The comments from Bradley Berry outraged the parents of the two 13-year-olds, Ryan Cornelison and Cory Mashburn, who with their lawyers were deluged with calls from ABC, CNN, Fox, Court TV and radio stations across the country a day after a story about the prosecution appeared in The Sunday Oregonian.

Perhaps there's hope. Was it simply a school administration or legal office that wasn't quite so dogmatic in their approach to dealing with kids that they decided to rethink what they were doing? Was it the dedication of people who see our little world getting out of hand when it comes to raising our kids? Perhaps the school system was afraid of a law suit? Who knows? Maybe the district attorney feared that his career would end up going the same direction of Nifong's. Regardless, it's a good thing when people wake up and smell the coffee. Of course sometimes a nice, sharp smack on the ass can help.

Some recent events have caught my eye lately. Not long ago a reader of my blog followed up on a post I wrote that pointed to an article I linked to about people who were born before 1980. The article was a bit of a sarcastic congratulations. "How could people who were born before 1980 possibly have survived?" Rinsem followed up with a post that suggested we take a very serious look at how we raise our kids to produce children that will take risks and explore the world without fear. I wholeheartedly agree with Rinsem. I try to give my kids the freedom they need to try things and experience life. I may ask them to wear a helmet when they ride their bikes or come in from the rain, but I consider that common sense rather than fearful hovering.

In response to Rinsem's post, I commented to a specific point:

We are raising a generation who will not take a risk because they've been warned throughout their lives that the risks are dangerous. While this can be good, they simply don't understand the difference between a good risk and a bad risk because they don't have the life experience.

My comment on his post was:

The only thing I'd add here is that the price we paid for poor decisions or mistakes was much smaller when I grew up. At the very most, I might receive a generous spanking ( at least that's how my parents dealt with things ) or a very stern talking to. However, now our kids have to deal with "no tolerance" policies, litigious pricks who want compensation for everything little thing and little understanding that kids will make mistakes even when their parents teach them otherwise.

While I'm sure Rinsem understood what I meant, I want to use a couple examples that best represent what I mean. Recently a sixth-grade girl faced being sent to an alternative school for four months. Her crime? She wrote, "I love Alex" on a wall at school with a marker. The school has since changed their mind after the story got the attention of local media and citizens. She faced the same punishment that those who fight, make terroristic threats, and are caught with drugs. Granted, she shouldn't write on school walls. So give her a detention, some soap and water, and have her clean the mess. Thankfully the school eventually made the right decision. But what about the fate of these two 13 year-old kids?

Evidently childish behaviors, like slapping your peers on the ass, now warrant sex charges. It seems, based on the statements of several kids at the school, the norm is to slap your friends on the ass ( regardless of their gender ) as a form of greeting. Well, when I was younger we only did that on the football field or basketball court, but hey . . . to each their own.

So what should happen to these kids? Well, here's what could happen:

Police arrested Cory Mashburn and Ryan Cornelison of McMinnville and if convicted could be permanently marked as sex offenders, The Portland Oregonian said Sunday. The teens also could spend as long as 10 years in juvenile detention if found guilty.

That's the way to do it. Brand them as sexual offenders and stick them in the system. Evidently the district attorney is ready to prosecute:

While the boys' parents have opposed such a harsh penalty, McMinnville District Aattorney Bradley Berry said such youthful acts could have longstanding consequences for the alleged victims. "These cases are devastating to children," he said. "They are life-altering cases."

Damn straight they are. Branding them "sexual offenders" and institutionalizing 13 year old kids for acting stupid does alter their lives. But hey, you gotta get tough with these kids these days don't you? You need to punish them so severely that they would never think of making that mistake again. Zero tolerance. That's the ticket. Brand them for life the first time they step out of line. Honestly, when do we make the distinction between what is criminal and what is a product of bad decision making when it comes to kids? Why should we always resort to ruining someone's life in order to discipline? Couldn't a simple suspension have sent the message that their behavior was inappropriate?

Evidently I'm not the only one that has noticed this story. If you visit that link you'll also find a more in-depth news article about the incident.

Today, twelve years ago, at 11:30 AM I was given a gift. A son. He is someone that has impacted my life in more ways than I would have ever guessed. I try to give him the benefit of the experiences that have shaped the person I have become - my successes, my failures, the lessons I inevitably learned by making mistakes.

Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn't.

In the end it doesn't matter because he's my son. And just in case he decided to read my blog today . . . a few words from a guy back in 1999. I can't think of a better way to impart upon you some things that I wish someone would have shared with me when I was much younger. I hope you had a wonderful birthday, son.